Have you found yourself asking “Should I leave or should I stay in a relationship?” The same could be said with any friendship that leaves you wondering “Is this good for me?”
Do you stay in troubled relationships where you feel devalued and disrespected because you fear being alone? Do you fear telling someone they are toxic or problematic to your life?
It can be difficult to remove people from your life that you have known for years, especially if they are family members. How to achieve this is simpler than you think.
You don’t have to be the one who ends the relationship because you can learn how to negotiate peacefully and get what you want without being the “bad guy.”
Relationships can Go Up and Down
Relationships can be like a roller coaster ride where you wonder if you should continue in them. You can answer the dilemma on whether to stay or leave by asking yourself “Do I want to continue living the same way in this relationship for another ten years?”
If you answered no, then don’t waste ten years of your life before deciding the relationship is not working. Your purpose is to experience happiness and freedom, so time to get cracking and make some changes. Yes – I know you’re thinking “What about my partner? He or she is the one who is rude and disrespectful – shouldn’t he or she be the one to change?”
Switch the Dance
You are right – your partner must change, but for your partner to change, you must change first! You both have been doing the same old dance together for way too long. They respond the same way then you react in the same way, yadda, yadda, yadda.
You both have been waltzing away together for years. Now when your partner waltzes, you do the cha-cha. The dance between the both of you must change. Take some time out to decide what you want from your relationship. Decide on the things you will longer tolerate and practice how you will express your needs. Once you complete this step, the next one is to make yourself heard…
Express What You Want
Have an open conversation to clarify your partner’s needs. Then define the behaviour you expect from them and things you wont tolerate. For example, “When we are out in public, I feel devalued when you use derogatory comments about me. I want you to speak respectfully about me.”
Next, you must decide how to manage the situation if your partner does not validate your needs. “When we go out, and you make disrespectful comments, I will drive myself home, and limit my social gatherings with you. I understand this has been a habit of yours and difficult for you to change. The choice is yours – if you can agree, I would be happy to go out with you to social events.”
Pass It Back
If you have a negative partner who continually blames you for things that go wrong, expects dinner cooked, and “extracurricular activities” or any other “free benefit” that comes with a partnership, you need to set things straight.
You can start by saying “I don’t deserve to be treated this way. For me to stay sane in this relationship, cook your meals, offer intimacy, I will need expensive therapy which you will need to pay for.
I will also be taking extra “me” time with my friends from now on. If you can be more respectful, I would be happy to spend more time with you. If you can’t, then you will see me less frequently, and you will pay for my therapy – your choice!”
State your Boundaries
When you stipulate your boundaries, your partner is choosing whether to continue the relationship. Eventually, your partner will change, or the relationship will fall away and end. This applies to all relationships, friends, colleagues and family members.
Choose your philosophy in life. If you are respectful to others, then it should be reciprocated. Always give people the option of treating you with respect or having less time with you. You have the right to nurturing relationships that offer you support and fulfilment.
Wishing you blessings and great friendships always,
Disclaimer: Forensic Healing, Marisa Russo and Spiritual Development for women are not a professional medical body. Any information contained in any videos/publications/comments/blog posts etc are for entertainment purposes only. All information is intended for general guidance and must not be considered a substitute for advice provided by a doctor or other qualified healthcare professional. Marisa Russo or Forensic Healing makes no warranties or representation of any kind concerning the accuracy or suitability of the information contained on this channel, websites, videos, social media pages, blog posts etc.