How to respond to people who betray and lie to you
It still never ceases to amaze me how our experiences in childhood create such strong patterns and conditioning within us. I was recently working with a lovely girl (I will call her Kelly) who came to my Forensic Healing clinic for spiritual and energy healing (or it could be referred to as kinesiology.)
I first saw Kelly three years ago when she was in deep distress over an ex-boyfriend who betrayed her. She is now feeling unsure about her current boyfriend Josh because he has told her many white lies. He saw nothing wrong with behaviour.
When she questions him about his lying, he responds that it is no big deal and she’s just overreacting. At the same time, Kelly was afraid he will betray her and leave her for another girl just as her boyfriend of three years ago did. She is worried that her fears and ‘overreacting’ will push him to have an affair.
Our programs are embedded in our DNA at birth
When I found the age where her programming was embedded, it came up as age 11. This was when Kelly’s mother would lie to her and tell her she was visiting an aunt and then go gambling.
Kelly would call the aunt to speak to her mother, and her aunt would confirm she was not there. This was a common occurrence when Kelly was young. Given such experience and conditioning about relationships, Kelly created the ex-boyfriend who lied and betrayed her in a way that was similar to what her mother had done.
Kelly’s present dilemma is that her current boyfriend Josh tells her he loves her, yet to be with her, he has lied and betrayed his ex-girlfriend. Kelly questions whether he will do the same to her. Will he betray her for another woman? Josh professes he will always be there and not betray her, but he continues to tell white lies, even knowing she does not want him to do so.
Lies betray trust
This makes Kelly feel the relationship is unstable, so she is constantly checking up on him, which drives him crazy. She is also confused, thinking the problem in the relationship is her fault. She thinks this because her mother tells her that Josh is a decent, nice guy, and to stay with him.
I needed to tell it straight and reiterate to Kelly that her feelings matter and addressed. Her feelings should not be minimised or deflected. My recommendation was to require the truth from Josh, by communicating what she expects from him. To have permission to question everything he says by asking “Is that a white lie or the truth?”
This may assist him in getting out of the habit of telling lies, a habit he has had his entire life. If he continues to lie, then Kelly can choose to break the pattern of accepting this kind of behaviour and insist she deserves someone she can trust. I told Kelly that she should have a master’s degree on people who deceive her and she should be taking notes of her past experiences!!
It was interesting that she also described a girl at her work who was backstabbing others. She also betrayed her while pretending she liked her. I commented that the very thing someone will do to another, they will likely do to you. It is a signal for Kelly to wake up to her boyfriend’s untrustworthiness, as the signs are all there.
Find positive role models
I encouraged Kelly to identify a positive role model. She replied that this was her boss at work. He is happily married, treats everyone with respect and is well-liked and trusted. If Kelly studies his character and traits, this will give her a benchmark of what she should accept in her life so that she can have an honest relationship and feel safe and trusting within it.
Sometimes when you are advising someone, they have a choice to hear what you are saying or not. It’s always easier to see the big picture when you are looking in from the outside. I questioned Kelly about what she was going to do with her situation, which is how I can tell if someone has the strength and courage to change. I mentioned that I did not want to see her in two years and learn that her current boyfriend is behaving the same way as her ex-boyfriend!
I surmised that her mother had confused Kelly’s beliefs about relationships. Her mother says she loves her daughter, but she is the one who lied to her first, at age 11.
Reverse conditioning with energy and spiritual healing to change your DNA
This behaviour taught Kelly that it was acceptable to have someone love you and lie to you. It also conditioned her to believe she was not worthy of being told the truth, which is a lie in itself. I think I gave Kelly a lot to ponder over and I was the first person to tell her she deserves honesty and respect, so this has given her permission to now require it from others.
Kelly went home with a plan to see if her boyfriend could be honest and change his ways. She has a new requirement and standard of expecting truth, trust, and respect from others.
Emotional patterns are very embedded, for they reach into the DNA and your energy field. They are so automatic that they need to be shaken up, and often the pain from them is what makes us change. If you look at your struggles now, they will have similar themes to what has happened in your past…
What do you think?
Blessings and love,
Marisa β₯
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5 Comments
The price can seem high at the time and the path not always clear ,but doors do open bringing change , so keep affirming only good things are happen for me
I don’t know Marisa, Im 65 years of age, and a long time ago realised there has to be a time when you step back & say enough, enough of the nonsense, but you can only change yourself, by your actions sometimes and only sometimes your actions may help others. Most of the time I get accused of interfering or get anger directed at me, so I simply back of and don’t say anything. I agree that it can be embedded in the DNA, I agree subconscious chatter can really effect your life. But there has to be a time when you stand up on your own and say enough of the nonsense this is my life and I deserve the best.
Thank you for asking me to comment Marisa.
As I have done a lot of regression work on myself and others I have found that most of our patterning starts in the womb when the subconscious takes patterns for survival like heart beat– you don’t have to think to breathe or shut your eyes etc as we take all these patterns from our mother and father ( positive or negative ) including skin color and temperature for our bodies depending on where we are born into whether cold or warm — Alaska or Arizona desert.
Like wise we take patterns of how parents are reacting to each other whether loving or angry towards each other especially over and during the pregnancy/gestation and also as to whether we were wanted or not, parent excited or not or just like doing a job as is expected of them.We also have soul lessons but for another time.
This equates to when one later on in life not accepting that some people just are! ( some like to be controlling and nasty to empower themselves ) and not of the standard conduct that we like or want so we hear the comments he or she married his or her Mother /Father to see if they can change them as they couldn’t change their parents. This done in the quest to find a happier life or understand those we would rather not be around..
If the Mother while in pregnancy mode lied and cheated then her daughter may have copied this pattern and unconsciously been attracting people into her life to try to understand the pain and desertion feelings unhappiness she or even her dad felt. What was going on with her parents then would have an effect later on also in her own relationships and anytime she was too happy and felt subconsciously she was running above and over the family pattern, being too happy then the subconscious would draw usually unlucky incidences / unbalances to her relationships to put her back to the families negative family patterning.
Remember that the subconscious rely’s on feelings emotions and old memories as to reactions ( especially to fight or flight ) and always rules contrary to what our reasoning conscious mental patterns believes although it can be programmed by repetition like learning the school tables like 2 and 2 = four.again and again.
Like wise when one is hit or gets damage more than three times like a kick in the leg during a game or a hit in the shoulder the body locks that area using the subconscious mind in protection of one self using the Fascia to lock the muscles to stop the hurt in case it is a repetitive injury and to stop all the pain.
For instance a lady in her fifty’s always had fears of getting close to any male and never had a boyfriend even though the normal urges were there and she was attractive she would bale out of commitment and/or getting close at the last minute.
On regression her Father was not happy with Mother for their so called mistake and hit her violently in the stomach to try to abort so hence the fear of men are violent in mother and fetus and can create great hurt and rejection so keep away from them or keep them at a distance. As this happened at the two to three months of gestation as she was forming her nerves for her chest lungs and heart this effected her nerves for same and used to as a child use a ventilator to help her breathing. She phoned me two months later and said her breathing has improved greatly and he was now going out with a nice male person and getting engaged soon.
One guys parents were so argumentative and controlling during his gestation which can sometimes happen with all the new hormones raging within that he came out with a really bad self image and became rather sickly and put apon believing he must have been the cause of his parent arguing all the time as a fetus always seems to believe that parents must have been in love when they conceived him right? and he had grown between them and so therefore must have been the cause of all their unhappiness . Wrong! He was weak and sickly caused as a self punishment for causing his parents unhappiness as he was to his mind he was the cause and in his mind was saying “If I am sickly then maybe my parents will come together and stop arguing and love me as I am not feeling loved or wanted.”
As an adult in regression he saw that the parent may not have been in love as accidents happen but obviously God wanted him here at this time for the fetus timing was now and he was incorrect in blaming himself as he was not a baby and not the adult yet and so not totally true and got permission to change his life pattern from his parents spiritually and now has a new healthy life.
In his adult relationship his wife said the change is fantastic as he no longer feels ashamed of his parents or necessary to control his own family as his parents did and has gotten stronger, strength of mind and well in health — enjoying life.
Thanks for letting me put my two cents in and recommend Kelly arrange a Pre-birth regression with Marisa.to release all the negatives not suiting the now acquired programs and embrace – choose the positives for the future.
Love and Light John
I can t agree more with you Marisa! I would be tempted to meet Kelly s boyfriend and see where his own pattern of lying and thinking it s okay to leave his girlfriend deal with confusion is coming from ? In fact we may even get the surprise to hear the boyfriend say that HE doesn t get really upset if he gets lied to !! For him just to agree to come and have a session with you addressing his own issues would be a rather great feeling for Kelly too, wouldn’t it?
I guess if “Kelly” also had to be worrying and imagining different scenarios of her Mum not being at her auntie’s like she said she was , it would amplify the negativity she associates to lies even more . And that s fair!
I wonder how old is Kelly and if it s an age thing, which I can very much relate to myself, that time in our young woman’ s life where we are better off stopping with BOYS and start really attract MEN. π They are not as playful with romance once they have experienced the bitterness of love slipping through their fingers and come to realize how being loved and cared for is not a logical owned granted thing, like it was back “yesterday” with mummy, anymore . π
Love grows just like all living creatures : with a combination of simple but constant factors not a selection of them.
I remember my ex describing to me his parents’ relationship : He thought the very best of his mum I can confirm that but “she stopped looking after herself after she had kids and was always too busy so Dad was not attracted anymore and was having an affair for many years now”,,, so my ex had innocently in mind that a man would need in his life a sex & love affair and a love & sex partnership. ,, or that it was easier to not have children and not get married. And cheat a bit. (But again, he was 28 then, this can also be an age thing. I know today that he is in a better place with his old twisted concepts of loveship :),,sometimes they act as if they are not getting it but really, slowly and gently, they do . And they also start working on their own patterns they are stuck in. Perhaps discreetly yet with a stronger consideration for their relationship. They just need to come to it themselves and not be (too) pushed into it π
Or be pushed in a right way and if they are not up to it then it s not the right one.
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Marisa hello π i wonder if you also get to see a lot of men in your clinic ?
β₯
Thank you for your article. It certainly shows how patterns are repeated, although, sometimes it is difficult to see what your pattern is. I did the same things for so long, but had no idea why I felt so bad most of the time. I have made some major changes this year and have said goodbye to some friends because of my changes, so it has been bittersweet, but hopefully leading the way to a better future.