How to respond to people who betray and lie to you
It never ceases to amaze me how childhood experiences create ongoing patterns and conditioning within us. I was recently working with a lovely girl (I will call her Kelly) who came to my Forensic Healing clinic for spiritual and energy healing (or similar to kinesiology.)
I initially saw Kelly three years prior as she was distressed over an ex-boyfriend who had betrayed her. She was now feeling unsure about her current boyfriend Josh because he had told her many white lies and saw nothing wrong with his behaviour.
When she questioned him about his lying, he responded that it was no big deal and she was overreacting. At the same time, Kelly was afraid he would betray her and leave her for another girl just as her ex-boyfriend did. She worried that her fears and ‘overreacting’ would push him to have an affair.
Your Programs are Embedded in Your DNA at Birth
When I identified the age where her programming was embedded, it tested for age 11. At that time, Kelly’s mother would lie to her and tell her she was visiting an aunt but instead she went gambling.
Kelly would call her aunt to speak to her mother and her aunt would confirm she wasn’t at her house. This was a common occurrence when Kelly was young.
These childhood experience and conditioning on relationships had become Kelly’s blueprint. Having these childhood experiences would explain why Kelly attracted untrustworthy relationships similar to her mother’s behaviour.
Kelly’s dilemma was that her current boyfriend Josh would tell her that he loved her, however, he also lied and betrayed his ex-girlfriends. Kelly questioned whether he would do the same to her. Would he betray her for another woman? Josh professed he would always be there and not betray her, yet he continued to tell white lies, even knowing it made her extremely uncomfortable.
Lies Betray Trust
Kelly felt unstable in her relationship which caused her to constantly check on him. This behaviour would frustrate and annoy Josh. Kelly also had confusing thoughts believing the problem in the relationship was her fault as her mother would reinforce that Josh was a decent, nice guy, and to stay with him.
I needed to tell it straight and reiterate to Kelly that her feelings matter and her concerns need to be addressed. Her feelings should not be minimised or deflected. My recommendation was to require the truth from Josh by communicating what she expects from him. To have permission to question everything he says by asking “Is that a white lie or the truth?”
This would assist him to change his habit of telling lies which was a lifelong habit. If he continued to lie, Kelly could choose to break the pattern of accepting this behaviour and insist she deserves someone she can trust. I jokingly mentioned that she should have a master’s degree on people who had deceived her, and she should be taking notes of her past experiences!!
It was interesting that Kelly also described a work colleague who was backstabbing others and herself. It was evident that Kelly had attracted many people she couldn’t trust. If a person continues to accept poor behaviour then this energy is carried in them and they will continue to attract the same type of people. It was a signal for Kelly to wake up to her boyfriend’s untrustworthiness.
Find Positive Role Models
I encouraged Kelly to identify a positive role model as a gauge for relationships. She replied that her boss at work was happily married, treated everyone with respect and was well-liked and trusted. If Kelly studied his character and traits, this would give her a benchmark of what she should accept in her life so that she can have honest, trustworthy relationships.
To Change or Not to Change?
It was clear that her mother’s parenting style had confused Kelly’s beliefs about relationships. Her mother would tell Kelly she loved her but had continually lied to her from age 11. Kelly wanted to change this conditioning.
People have the option to take on board advice that could change their life, but the person hearing it needs to be courageous enough to want to change their old patterns. It’s always easier to see the big picture when you are looking in from the outside. I questioned Kelly about what she was going to do with her situation. She responded optimistically that she would no longer accept deceitful behaviour in her relationship.
Reverse Conditioning with Energy and Spiritual Healing to Change Your DNA
This behaviour taught Kelly that it was acceptable to have someone love you and lie to you. It also conditioned her to believe she was not worthy of being told the truth, which is a lie in itself. I think I gave Kelly a lot to ponder and I was the first person to tell her she deserved honesty and respect which is the basis of any good relationship.
Kelly went home with a plan to see if her boyfriend could be honest and change his ways. She has a new requirement and standard of expecting truth, trust, and respect from others.
Emotional patterns are deeply engrained as they are programmed into your DNA and energy field. They are so automatic they need to be shaken up, and the pain they cause can catapult you to change. If you look at your struggles now, they will have similar themes to what has happened in your past…
What do you think?
Blessings and love,
Marisa ♥
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5 Comments
The price can seem high at the time and the path not always clear ,but doors do open bringing change , so keep affirming only good things are happen for me
I don’t know Marisa, Im 65 years of age, and a long time ago realised there has to be a time when you step back & say enough, enough of the nonsense, but you can only change yourself, by your actions sometimes and only sometimes your actions may help others. Most of the time I get accused of interfering or get anger directed at me, so I simply back of and don’t say anything. I agree that it can be embedded in the DNA, I agree subconscious chatter can really effect your life. But there has to be a time when you stand up on your own and say enough of the nonsense this is my life and I deserve the best.
Thank you for asking me to comment Marisa.
As I have done a lot of regression work on myself and others I have found that most of our patterning starts in the womb when the subconscious takes patterns for survival like heart beat– you don’t have to think to breathe or shut your eyes etc as we take all these patterns from our mother and father ( positive or negative ) including skin color and temperature for our bodies depending on where we are born into whether cold or warm — Alaska or Arizona desert.
Like wise we take patterns of how parents are reacting to each other whether loving or angry towards each other especially over and during the pregnancy/gestation and also as to whether we were wanted or not, parent excited or not or just like doing a job as is expected of them.We also have soul lessons but for another time.
This equates to when one later on in life not accepting that some people just are! ( some like to be controlling and nasty to empower themselves ) and not of the standard conduct that we like or want so we hear the comments he or she married his or her Mother /Father to see if they can change them as they couldn’t change their parents. This done in the quest to find a happier life or understand those we would rather not be around..
If the Mother while in pregnancy mode lied and cheated then her daughter may have copied this pattern and unconsciously been attracting people into her life to try to understand the pain and desertion feelings unhappiness she or even her dad felt. What was going on with her parents then would have an effect later on also in her own relationships and anytime she was too happy and felt subconsciously she was running above and over the family pattern, being too happy then the subconscious would draw usually unlucky incidences / unbalances to her relationships to put her back to the families negative family patterning.
Remember that the subconscious rely’s on feelings emotions and old memories as to reactions ( especially to fight or flight ) and always rules contrary to what our reasoning conscious mental patterns believes although it can be programmed by repetition like learning the school tables like 2 and 2 = four.again and again.
Like wise when one is hit or gets damage more than three times like a kick in the leg during a game or a hit in the shoulder the body locks that area using the subconscious mind in protection of one self using the Fascia to lock the muscles to stop the hurt in case it is a repetitive injury and to stop all the pain.
For instance a lady in her fifty’s always had fears of getting close to any male and never had a boyfriend even though the normal urges were there and she was attractive she would bale out of commitment and/or getting close at the last minute.
On regression her Father was not happy with Mother for their so called mistake and hit her violently in the stomach to try to abort so hence the fear of men are violent in mother and fetus and can create great hurt and rejection so keep away from them or keep them at a distance. As this happened at the two to three months of gestation as she was forming her nerves for her chest lungs and heart this effected her nerves for same and used to as a child use a ventilator to help her breathing. She phoned me two months later and said her breathing has improved greatly and he was now going out with a nice male person and getting engaged soon.
One guys parents were so argumentative and controlling during his gestation which can sometimes happen with all the new hormones raging within that he came out with a really bad self image and became rather sickly and put apon believing he must have been the cause of his parent arguing all the time as a fetus always seems to believe that parents must have been in love when they conceived him right? and he had grown between them and so therefore must have been the cause of all their unhappiness . Wrong! He was weak and sickly caused as a self punishment for causing his parents unhappiness as he was to his mind he was the cause and in his mind was saying “If I am sickly then maybe my parents will come together and stop arguing and love me as I am not feeling loved or wanted.”
As an adult in regression he saw that the parent may not have been in love as accidents happen but obviously God wanted him here at this time for the fetus timing was now and he was incorrect in blaming himself as he was not a baby and not the adult yet and so not totally true and got permission to change his life pattern from his parents spiritually and now has a new healthy life.
In his adult relationship his wife said the change is fantastic as he no longer feels ashamed of his parents or necessary to control his own family as his parents did and has gotten stronger, strength of mind and well in health — enjoying life.
Thanks for letting me put my two cents in and recommend Kelly arrange a Pre-birth regression with Marisa.to release all the negatives not suiting the now acquired programs and embrace – choose the positives for the future.
Love and Light John
I can t agree more with you Marisa! I would be tempted to meet Kelly s boyfriend and see where his own pattern of lying and thinking it s okay to leave his girlfriend deal with confusion is coming from ? In fact we may even get the surprise to hear the boyfriend say that HE doesn t get really upset if he gets lied to !! For him just to agree to come and have a session with you addressing his own issues would be a rather great feeling for Kelly too, wouldn’t it?
I guess if “Kelly” also had to be worrying and imagining different scenarios of her Mum not being at her auntie’s like she said she was , it would amplify the negativity she associates to lies even more . And that s fair!
I wonder how old is Kelly and if it s an age thing, which I can very much relate to myself, that time in our young woman’ s life where we are better off stopping with BOYS and start really attract MEN. 🙂 They are not as playful with romance once they have experienced the bitterness of love slipping through their fingers and come to realize how being loved and cared for is not a logical owned granted thing, like it was back “yesterday” with mummy, anymore . 🙂
Love grows just like all living creatures : with a combination of simple but constant factors not a selection of them.
I remember my ex describing to me his parents’ relationship : He thought the very best of his mum I can confirm that but “she stopped looking after herself after she had kids and was always too busy so Dad was not attracted anymore and was having an affair for many years now”,,, so my ex had innocently in mind that a man would need in his life a sex & love affair and a love & sex partnership. ,, or that it was easier to not have children and not get married. And cheat a bit. (But again, he was 28 then, this can also be an age thing. I know today that he is in a better place with his old twisted concepts of loveship :),,sometimes they act as if they are not getting it but really, slowly and gently, they do . And they also start working on their own patterns they are stuck in. Perhaps discreetly yet with a stronger consideration for their relationship. They just need to come to it themselves and not be (too) pushed into it 🙂
Or be pushed in a right way and if they are not up to it then it s not the right one.
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Marisa hello 🙂 i wonder if you also get to see a lot of men in your clinic ?
♥
Thank you for your article. It certainly shows how patterns are repeated, although, sometimes it is difficult to see what your pattern is. I did the same things for so long, but had no idea why I felt so bad most of the time. I have made some major changes this year and have said goodbye to some friends because of my changes, so it has been bittersweet, but hopefully leading the way to a better future.