It still never ceases to amaze me how our experiences in childhood create such strong patterns and conditioning within us. I was recently working with a lovely girl (I will call her Kelly) who came to my Forensic Healing clinic for spiritual and energy healing (or it could be referred to as kinesiology.)
I first saw Kelly three years ago when she was in deep distress over an ex-boyfriend who betrayed her. She is now feeling unsure about her current boyfriend Josh because he has told her many white lies. He saw nothing wrong with behaviour.
When she questions him about his lying, he responds that it is no big deal and she’s just overreacting. At the same time, Kelly was afraid he will betray her and leave her for another girl just as her boyfriend of three years ago did. She is worried that her fears and ‘overreacting’ will push him to have an affair.
Our programs are embedded in our DNA at birth
When I found the age where her programming was embedded, it came up as age 11. This was when Kelly’s mother would lie to her and tell her she was visiting an aunt and then go gambling.
Kelly would call the aunt to speak to her mother, and her aunt would confirm she was not there. This was a common occurrence when Kelly was young. Given such experience and conditioning about relationships, Kelly created the ex-boyfriend who lied and betrayed her in a way that was similar to what her mother had done.
Kelly’s present dilemma is that her current boyfriend Josh tells her he loves her, yet to be with her, he has lied and betrayed his ex-girlfriend. Kelly questions whether he will do the same to her. Will he betray her for another woman? Josh professes he will always be there and not betray her, but he continues to tell white lies, even knowing she does not want him to do so.
Lies betray trust
This makes Kelly feel the relationship is unstable, so she is constantly checking up on him, which drives him crazy. She is also confused, thinking the problem in the relationship is her fault. She thinks this because her mother tells her that Josh is a decent, nice guy, and to stay with him.
I needed to tell it straight and reiterate to Kelly that her feelings matter and addressed. Her feelings should not be minimised or deflected. My recommendation was to require the truth from Josh, by communicating what she expects from him. To have permission to question everything he says by asking “Is that a white lie or the truth?”
This may assist him in getting out of the habit of telling lies, a habit he has had his entire life. If he continues to lie, then Kelly can choose to break the pattern of accepting this kind of behaviour and insist she deserves someone she can trust. I told Kelly that she should have a master’s degree on people who deceive her and she should be taking notes of her past experiences!!
It was interesting that she also described a girl at her work who was backstabbing others. She also betrayed her while pretending she liked her. I commented that the very thing someone will do to another, they will likely do to you. It is a signal for Kelly to wake up to her boyfriend’s untrustworthiness, as the signs are all there.
Find positive role models
I encouraged Kelly to identify a positive role model. She replied that this was her boss at work. He is happily married, treats everyone with respect and is well-liked and trusted. If Kelly studies his character and traits, this will give her a benchmark of what she should accept in her life so that she can have an honest relationship and feel safe and trusting within it.
Sometimes when you are advising someone, they have a choice to hear what you are saying or not. It’s always easier to see the big picture when you are looking in from the outside. I questioned Kelly about what she was going to do with her situation, which is how I can tell if someone has the strength and courage to change. I mentioned that I did not want to see her in two years and learn that her current boyfriend is behaving the same way as her ex-boyfriend!
I surmised that her mother had confused Kelly’s beliefs about relationships. Her mother says she loves her daughter, but she is the one who lied to her first, at age 11.
Reverse conditioning with energy and spiritual healing to change your DNA
This behaviour taught Kelly that it was acceptable to have someone love you and lie to you. It also conditioned her to believe she was not worthy of being told the truth, which is a lie in itself. I think I gave Kelly a lot to ponder over and I was the first person to tell her she deserves honesty and respect, so this has given her permission to now require it from others.
Kelly went home with a plan to see if her boyfriend could be honest and change his ways. She has a new requirement and standard of expecting truth, trust, and respect from others.
Emotional patterns are very embedded, for they reach into the DNA and your energy field. They are so automatic that they need to be shaken up, and often the pain from them is what makes us change. If you look at your struggles now, they will have similar themes to what has happened in your past…
What do you think?
Blessings and love,