Look around you. How many sexual abuse victims do you see?
It’s a shame the scars aren’t visible so you could tell. But, around 33% of women (and 12-40% of U.S. children) are sexually abused before they turned 18 and 93% of their attackers were men. That means her over there with the latte, that woman biting her nails on the bus and me.
Even if you haven’t gone through this soul-shattering experience, I bet you know someone who has – many don’t even know they’ve abused since they’ve suppressed the memories in order to survive the trauma.
Meanwhile, the victims try to cope and get help in any way they can; often seeking an escape in any form of addictive and dysfunctional behaviours. Blaming themselves and further wounding their grieving spirits. Speaking in whispers, they can’t heal. That is why my mission is to listen to those voices, heal the deep wounds and restore the power, self-worth, dignity, and freedom the victims have lost.
As the author of Freeing the Unloved Girl, I understand the pain this heart-wrenching abuse can do to you.
We Are Finally Talking About The Global Epidemic
Fortunately, sexual abuse is becoming part of the conversation now and the world is finally starting to protect the innocent against this global epidemic, but we have miles to go. And our first step is understanding the deep impact that abuse has on the human psyche. After all, if we don’t know where the wound is, how can we heal it?
This inward journey is a difficult road to travel alone and abuse victims need help. In fact, most of the workshops I facilitate contain an average of 60 – 70% of sexual abuse victims, searching for answers to their pain and suffering hidden inside them.
We Are Finally Talking About The Global Epidemic
The Search To Feel Whole
As a survivor of sexual abuse, I know this subject well and I have dedicated my entire life to healing myself and now others. I sought out the best therapists, attended workshops, read books, and completed educational degrees in the health industry. My search ended when I created the Forensic Healing System to go deeper into the cell memory and DNA of a person to make positive and permanent life changes fast.
My approach in workshops with fellow survivors is to draw from my own and the experiences of thousands of victims. Although I’m not a qualified psychologist (and bless them for the much-needed aid they provide for victim recovery), I have lived and shared decades of healing with survivors of abuse.
When you finally understand the cell-deep impact of the aftershocks of sexual abuse, the veil lifts. So much becomes glaringly clear, you’ll need sunglasses. This breakthrough is the beacon that will illuminate the rest of your journey and make each step easier.
WTF Is Happening To Me? Why Am I Doing This?
“I must be !$*%ing crazy!” Looking in the mirror, I couldn’t believe, didn’t want to believe, what I’d done…again!
That reflected face accused, blamed and shamed me every day, but those feelings were not mine to claim – I just didn’t know it. I thought I was going crazy. As do most of the people in therapy with me.
Sexual Abuse Changes Who You Are
That’s because sexual abuse is an insanely cruel act to inflict upon a child – you feel as if you’re going crazy as you stumble over coming to terms with it. As you age, you’re constantly running ahead of this tsunami of turmoil, rendering you overwhelmed, disconnected and almost totally dysfunctional. Your psyche and energy are overwrought and exhausted.
This article is my attempt to help you take that first step to truly escape from this unnatural disaster. Hopefully, it will fill in the missing links between your thoughts, feelings, and actions, as well as offering a wellspring of hope for the future. Because healing, although it never ends, can happen quickly
Your Shattered Soul Needs Healing
In my workshops, I have facilitated breakthroughs in healing in as little as 5 to 10 minutes. I’ve witnessed complete transformations, from victim to survivor, when the energetic damage of sexual abuse is discharged.
A victim’s soul literally needs to be made spiritually whole and the pain has to be released. When this is done, wholeness is returned and their life automatically changes.
For some, it is their first taste of freedom and independence as they reconnect the shards of their shattered soul. It’s like waking up from a coma that you don’t know you’re in.
Dissociation And Soul Fragment Loss
Dissociation is escaping. It is the disconnection between mind and body that happens to a child when they’re traumatised. This survival technique becomes dysfunctional in adulthood. As it continues, it worsens and the reconnection seems harder to reach as the victim can be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
In essence, soul fragments are pieces of your spirit or energy. Shamanic healers are known to retrieve soul fragments and access the world of present and past lives. Acting on the idea that you can’t heal what isn’t there, the shaman journeys into the unseen world of energy to retrieve soul parts that are needed to make the person whole again.
Signs of Soul Loss
The most obvious signs of soul loss are when someone says “I have never been the same since.” When a person’s soul is unwhole, it often leads to addictive and self-destructive behaviours, or a search for another person or experience to make them feel “whole” again.
It Never Happened!
Sexual predators often mask their intent by ‘grooming’ a child. Think of it as a warped form of wooing. Ultimately, the sex assaults will not be as gentle, but this manipulation can forever confuse a child’s interpretation of love, sex and relationships. It also may – similar to the Stockholm syndrome – cause the child to deny that the abuse actually happened.
In adulthood, this causes the same negative patterns of attracting, tolerating and denying others’ dysfunctional, abusive behaviour. (“Why the bloomin’ heck is she with him?”)
Was That A Panic Attack?
Suppressed emotions cause stress. They bubble underneath every situation and even the smallest hitch can trigger panic attacks or overwhelm. This is a warning sign that the body can no longer contain the abusive experiences and something needs to give way. This can also manifest as nightmares or flashbacks. It can also indicate that they are still suffering from PTSD.
In adulthood, a survivor of abuse may become controlling and distrustful, due to the stresses upon them. The abuse was the ultimate loss of control and they will fight for every scrap they can acquire as a grown-up.
Abuse Can Curse A Person
Many sexual abusers will tell the child that they’re being abused because they deserved it. That child’s life is henceforth shrouded in shame – that they could have done something so bad, they’d justified the abuse. Battling or suppressing this guilt and shame can lead to depression, suicidal feelings, and apathy.
The perverted act of abuse can often become a curse on a victim’s soul and life. It seems that the negative dark energy of the encounter seeps into the vulnerable child’s energy field, coupled with their already shame, fear and guilt and curses them.
Patterns of Sacrifice and Negative Beliefs
A child has very little hope of defending themselves against an adult. When their attempts fail, it can set a lifelong pattern of helplessness, victimisation, and apathy. In adulthood, this cycle continues until they feel they don’t have power or choice. It sets up negative patterns of putting themselves last and sacrificing themselves.
If the victim has the opportunity to receive the ‘sacrifice vow’ removal healing, which removes the sacrificial behaviours, negative beliefs, and patterns, they begin to feel they have more choice and power in their life.
The natural progression of pain and suffering is to express anger. Abused children are not often given an outlet to do this. Sometimes this entire step of feeling anger is so deeply concealed they cannot access it in adulthood, therefore making the healing process more difficult. Alternatively, the opposite can happen when an adult can feel continually uncontrollably angry and doesn’t know it’s stemming from their unaddressed childhood abuse.
I Keep My Head Down and Say Nothing!
If you’re invisible and silent, maybe no-one will notice you? Being a target of childhood sexual abuse teaches the child not to stand out, be seen or speak out as it leads to pain and suffering. This pattern shows up in adulthood as victims often hold themselves back and limit their potential. They fear being noticed or being their true selves.
What You Can Do To Help
A lot of people don’t know how to help a survivor of abuse and even an abuse victim won’t know what to ask for. Apart from the obvious professional help and healing they need, the following list contains some approaches you can use to assist a survivor of abuse.
- Don’t tell them to get over it – let them know you are there for them
- Don’t tell them to “Stop crying!” – give them the space to release the pain and suffering
- Don’t blame them in any way – tell them you are sorry for their pain
- Don’t be their therapist – encourage them to seek professional help
- Don’t let them feel shame or guilt – reassure them it was not their fault
- Don’t question whether it happened – believe them as the fear of being doubted may silence them again
- Don’t hug or touch them – ask first if they want physical comfort
You can provide support and encourage professional help for positive changes. Develop patience and understanding as abuse can feel just as traumatic during the healing process.
So, in summary, if you are a survivor of abuse of any sort, I am sorry that you experienced such pain and suffering. You did not deserve it. You have the right to be whole and free. You can participate in my free Freeing Women Activation online to help you move forward.
Sending you healing energy for your journey to wellness and reconnection. I would love to connect with others who’ve had similar experiences so we don’t feel alone. What is your advice you would give to help others heal?